Sketches in Grey

by Color Theory

supported by
Sylvia Odhner
Sylvia Odhner thumbnail
Sylvia Odhner I'm not usually a fan of live tracks, but I love that this album includes them, because for Color Theory they are so rare, and I think they sound unusually good for live tracks. This album is your only chance to hear the live experience. Favorite track: Unrehearsed (live).
Zen Frazier
Zen Frazier thumbnail
Zen Frazier CT's very first album! I bought the CD from Brian personally when I was in high school. A mutual friend said "hey you like Depeche Mode, you'll dig this!" And here we are 20 (!) years later - I'm proud to call myself a Theorist and one of CT's biggest fans. Favorite track: Never Realized.
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about

My debut album sold out quickly, thanks in large part to the students at Fountain Valley High School, where I was working as an accompanist. A few years later, I released a remastered version, adding three remixes and four live recordings.

Get exclusive first access to new songs by becoming a patron for as little as $1 per month at www.patreon.com/colortheory

credits

released May 1, 1994

Color Theory is Brian Hazard

All songs written, performed, and produced
by Brian Hazard (ASCAP) © 1994-1999 except:

Bass on Monastery and Something Here by Todd Sanders
Guitar on Monastery by Scott Fitzpatrick
Just Who I Am remixed by Keith Gillard of Fidgital www.fidgital.com

Tracks 13-16 recorded live at Diedrich University Center, Irvine, California, on November 20, 1998

Art direction and graphic design by Design Café
Mastered by Resonance Mastering www.resonancemastering.com

Special thanks to Denisse Dibos for letting me record on her Steinway

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all rights reserved

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about

Color Theory Huntington Beach, California

80s synthpop is in my blood.

Get exclusive first access to new songs by becoming a patron for as little as $1 per month at patreon.com/colortheory

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Track Name: Never Realized
Before my world was big enough for two
You had my word but my heart was overdue
Never found what I had meant to find
Looked so hard but darling I was blind

All the places we went
All the money we spent
What were we looking for?
Seems like nothing at all
All the time on my mind
Just to leave you behind
What were we hoping for?
Maybe nothing at...

Although it can be deceiving
Fewer things are worth believing
Through it all

I never realized exactly what I felt for you
Couldn't sympathize with another point of view
It was right before my eyes
Love was there but never realized

When it seems that time is standing still
I picture you
And your music fills my heart without a sound
And disappears when I turn around

All the dreams I'd been concealing
Not to recognize this feeling
Through it all
I never realized.
Track Name: Monastery
And I know what I know from the monastery
I don't talk very much so be patient with me
I only say what I mean
I learned to be a man at the monastery
If that gives you the right to be frightened of me
Then you don't know who I am

I live another life
Terminally out of place
Vowed to never turn away
When I did I saw your face

And I go where I go where I want you to be
If I hold out my hand will you hold on to me
And stop the shivering inside?

And I want you to have what I wanted for me
They say life comes and goes well it's long gone for me
And I don't want to be left behind
And I know it's too late to be who I could be
But for once in my life I am who I believe
Although it makes me cry

Torn apart inside
By ghosts of comfort and disgrace
Vowed to never turn away
When I did I saw your face

And I know what I know from the monastery
I learned to be a man at the monastery
If I hold out my hand will you hold out your hand to me?
To me?
Track Name: Shadow in the Shade
Once again he slips away
Like a shadow in the shade
You know I wouldn't even whisper his name
If you don't want me to stay

Darkness will conceal his shape
Like a shadow in the shade
You know you wouldn't have to suffer in vain
If you don't want me to stay I won't
But please tell me

It's a lonely direction, not to mention
When the demons come for you
The dreams you knew will hurt to
But I want to console you, not control you
You don't have to be someone
For me, the past, or anyone

If he comes I'll hide away
Like a shadow in the shade
I wouldn't hesitate to make my escape
If you don't want me to stay I'll go
But you need me

Don't you know that?
I could never.
Track Name: Something Here
There’s something about this town
That takes me in
There’s something about this town
That makes my head spin
Everything’s so incandescent
Everything’s so non-adolescent
There’s something here
That lets me know I’m somebody

There’s something about this town
That makes me smile
There’s something about this town
That makes me go another mile
Everything’s so convalescent
Everything’s so antidepressant
There’s something here
That lets me know I’m somebody

Lost in the drift of the northern wind
I never want to leave this place again
Because my home was all I was and now
I’m all I am

There’s something about this town
That makes me turn around
There’s something about this town
That makes me look into myself and see that
You need something new to keep from growing old
You’re never really living when you’re doing what your told
There’s something here
That lets me know I’m somebody

It’s not that I want to be a victim of sin
I just want to let my life begin
Because my home was all I was and now
I’m all I am.
Track Name: Severed Nerves
My heart suffers from the scars of severed nerves
Self-inflicted I admit, deserved
So you sell your very soul to set me free
Yet you suffer all the while with me

If I give you my body
Surrender my heart and soul
Will you show me where love lies?
Will I ever let you?

Always skeptical of love
Of magic’s hand
Walk on water and it turns to sand
So you have to part the sea to show you care
In all fairness I have been unfair
Yes I’ll give you my body

I’ll give you my heart and soul
If you show me what love is
Then I’ll never let you go.
Track Name: Subterranean
God above is blind to alice cities
Breathing underground
Where the light of truth makes no shadow
Emptiness resounds
Nighttime is a cell with painted skylines
Soaking to the skin
Darkness heals the soul
If you let it wash away your sin
You never know
You never know

You never know what you might find
Inside your body
Outside your mind
Don’t be afraid to let me in
Subterranean

In a blackened room they won’t find us
They won’t hear a sound
Set your body free
Close your eyes
I won’t let you down
Hidden from the sun
You won’t have to ever leave this bed
Leave the hollow threats of your preacher
Far above our heads
Or you’ll never know
You’ll never know.
Track Name: Once Upon a Time
Though I used to think
Marriage was a dreamer’s religion
My heart is dancing like a string of cans
So if you accept
And if you can spare me a lifetime
We can hold forever in our hands
Cause you can’t rely on someone else

In a million hours
Will the love song fade into silence?
Will the tears of rapture dry away?
Though I have no doubt
That you are my once in a lifeline
In between the black and white is grey
In some things you don’t have a second chance

Once upon a time
Vows were spoken never broken
People say that never happens
Though I know you’re mine
Who can say that time won’t change us
People say we’ll never be the same

There have been some times
When the effort shadowed the comfort
And I felt like throwing it away
But despite those burning eyes
And despite the words that we tortured
I never had a single lonely day
You can’t rely on someone else.
Track Name: Snowing
Have you chosen or are you still frozen?
Your smile is out of season
Still you're all I can believe in
If your cold heart can beat in the sun
If your winter can ever be won
Melt the ice that's between you and me
Be the girl you intended to be

Where you going?
Something fell apart
Where you going?
Won't you let me be there when it's snowing
A blizzard in your heart
Where you going?
Let me be there when you're snowing

I remember the heat beneath December
Your shivers may not seem much
But you shatter with one touch
When you think that it's out of your hands
When the world doesn't meet your demands
You will find you can let it all go
If you learn how to play in the snow

Where you going?
Don't begin to start
Where you going?
Don't you know it's lonely where you're going?
Emotion can be art
Where you going?
Won't you let me be there.
Track Name: Better
Each time you run away you deprive addiction
Where are you hiding?
Inside your heart there is a cage I built for you
And if there’s room for one
There might be room for two
But I know you better
But I know you better
It doesn’t matter

Maybe you thought that I
Was immune to being intoxicated
You leave me lost inside with nothing left to do
And in that silence I pray it’s the same for you
But I know you better
But I know you better
It doesn’t matter

One word divorces me from belief
But nothing gets your attention
You say you need me
But I need it to be true
You say that you’re the one
Who knows what’s good for you
But I know you better
But I know you better
It never mattered

I know you better.
Track Name: Never Realized (Laundered Mix)
Before my world was big enough for two
You had my word but my heart was overdue
Never found what I had meant to find
Looked so hard but darling I was blind

All the places we went
All the money we spent
What were we looking for?
Seems like nothing at all
All the time on my mind
Just to leave you behind
What were we hoping for?
Maybe nothing at...

Although it can be deceiving
Fewer things are worth believing
Through it all

I never realized exactly what I felt for you
Couldn't sympathize with another point of view
It was right before my eyes
Love was there but never realized

When it seems that time is standing still
I picture you
And your music fills my heart without a sound
And disappears when I turn around

All the dreams I'd been concealing
Not to recognize this feeling
Through it all
I never realized.
Track Name: Just Who I Am (Tinmen Identity Crisis Mix)
If you should turn around
You'll see me waiting for some kind of sign
All of the stupid things my friends say
Argue with fear in the back of my mind
"What have you got to lose?"
"How does it hurt to try?"
"What's the worst thing that she can say?"
I don't know
Maybe I'll wait a day
Maybe I've given up long ago

I could write you a poem but keep it locked away
I could practice for hours words I'll never say
If your eyes sent a message like a telegram
I would still doubt my senses
That's just who I am
Baby that's just who I am

I guess I'm hoping that
Out of the blue or on Valentine's Day
You will walk right up and take my hand
Say I am yours and then drag me away
What have you got to lose?
Maybe I'm worth a try
Don't we all have our weaknesses?
I know mine
Maybe they fit with yours
Maybe yours fit with mine, valentine

You'll never know what I can do
Unless you take a step or two
If you believe in true romance
Then there's a sweepstakes chance
That I'm the one for you
The only one for you
Well maybe that's exactly who I am.
Track Name: Stare Out the Window (acoustic)
Overtime
Home by nine
Watch TV to loosen up my mind
Pay the bills
Earn a wage
Just enough to keep it all the same
Somehow life slips away
Good or bad it's just another day
On my own in this world
Safe and sound

But I don't want to stare out the window
I don't want to stare all of my life
Don't want to be afraid to remember
What I might have dared
What could be mine
I don't want to stare out the window
I don't want to stare all of my life
All of my life...

Back in my rebel phase
I stood out in all the normal ways
Held a dying man's faith
That my art would be my resume
But that man passed away
Right or wrong it's not for me to say
Here at home in my room
Safe and sound

Cause I feel like there is
Someone watching over me
And that something is
Supposed to happen now
If it's all by design
Keep on watching
I won't let you down.
Track Name: Shadow in the Shade (live)
Once again he slips away
Like a shadow in the shade
You know I wouldn't even whisper his name
If you don't want me to stay

Darkness will conceal his shape
Like a shadow in the shade
You know you wouldn't have to suffer in vain
If you don't want me to stay I won't
But please tell me

It's a lonely direction, not to mention
When the demons come for you
The dreams you knew will hurt to
But I want to console you, not control you
You don't have to be someone
For me, the past, or anyone

If he comes I'll hide away
Like a shadow in the shade
I wouldn't hesitate to make my escape
If you don't want me to stay I'll go
But you need me

Don't you know that?
I could never.
Track Name: Heart Like a Doll (live)
I caught you smiling like a fool
Lost in a dream
Glowing like candles on a birthday cake
Finally eighteen
Like I was seven years ago
Flirting with sin
Little girl dreams they seemed so silly then
Now I want in
(In)to your understanding simple
Sweet and pure and demanding that I

Give my heart like a doll to you
Hold it tight enough to break it
I don't care what they say or do
It's enough to know we waited

I don't possess a pain that you
Couldn't relieve
And though I never said the words before
Better believe
That I need you to give love to
Me and I to you, here and now I

Give my heart like a doll to you
Hold it tight enough to break it
I don't care what they say or do
It's enough to know we waited

I'll never forget what you said that day,
"Lovers are all fools anyway", and now I
Give my heart like a doll to you
And smile to think it true.
Track Name: Snowing (live)
Have you chosen or are you still frozen?
Your smile is out of season
Still you're all I can believe in
If your cold heart can beat in the sun
If your winter can ever be won
Melt the ice that's between you and me
Be the girl you intended to be

Where you going?
Something fell apart
Where you going?
Won't you let me be there when it's snowing
A blizzard in your heart
Where you going?
Let me be there when you're snowing

I remember the heat beneath December
Your shivers may not seem much
But you shatter with one touch
When you think that it's out of your hands
When the world doesn't meet your demands
You will find you can let it all go
If you learn how to play in the snow

Where you going?
Don't begin to start
Where you going?
Don't you know it's lonely where you're going?
Emotion can be art
Where you going?
Won't you let me be there.
Track Name: Unrehearsed (live)
Maybe I'm glad to be back on my own
After four nights of happiness taken on loan
Filled with photos and cars, shameless cliches
Lovesongs and daisies and sleeping by day

I'll test my heart again in my own time
Still I cling to the images fresh in my mind
How you painted my heart, colored my day
And now I'm left with just sketches in grey

Why do you pull your hand away when I reach for you?
Seems you can't remember
That's not all you let me do
Why are you smiling to yourself?
Don't pretend you made me fall in love

You tell me it isn't fair to pretend,
Then you actually say you just want to be friends
But you didn't pretend on that first night
You couldn't stop shaking and I heard you cry

I understand
You love love better
When it's unrehearsed
It gets a little old
Can't go on pretending

That's why you pull your hand away when I reach for you
Seems you can't remember
That's not all you let me do
Why are you lying to yourself?
Don't pretend you made me fall in love
Cause it's the truth.

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