album name

Perfect Tears

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by Color Theory

Perfect Tears Cover Art
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about
I considered Perfect Tears my best album right up until The Thought Chapter came out. I believed in it so strongly that I pressed twice as many CDs as I should have, and spent $4,000 on a European radio campaign which got it into regular rotation on 40 commercial stations in Italy and France. Digital version remastered 11/1/11.
credits
released 05 October 1999
Color Theory is Brian Hazard

All songs written, performed, and produced
by Brian Hazard (ASCAP) © 1999 except:

Stare Out the Window
Produced and mixed by Keith Gillard
Brian Hazard: vocals, piano
Keith Gillard: keyboards, percussion, programming
Craig Arnatt: guitars
Keith Gillard appears courtesy of Liquid Records Canada

Ordinary & Free
Drum samples by Joel Fountain

Design by Chumpé
Photography by William Hazard
Outgoing leg attached to Nomi Channapragada
Mastered by Resonance Mastering www.resonancemastering.com

Thanks to St. Wilfred's Episcopal Church of Huntington Beach and Golden West College for allowing me to record on their beautiful Yamaha grand piano

Special thanks to the quality control team: Keith Gillard, Michelle Hazard, Sheri Hogan, Dave Harper, Mark Nicholas, Tom Vota, Bill Boocock, Jason Cole, Geoff Ereth, Ivan Mayerhofer, Todd Durrant, Lori Hazard, Amanda Uribe, Dave Pasciuto, and Mark O'Bitz
tags
tags: electronic electronica indie piano synthpop Huntington Beach
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All rights reserved
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I‘ve always been a computer geek, but I started music lessons at the relatively late age of 13. I grew up on a steady diet of Depeche Mode and classical piano. My music combines those two great loves.

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Track Name: Stare Out the Window
Overtime
Home by nine
Watch TV to loosen up my mind
Pay the bills
Earn a wage
Just enough to keep it all the same
Somehow life slips away
Good or bad it's just another day
On my own in this world
Safe and sound

But I don't want to stare out the window
I don't want to stare all of my life
Don't want to be afraid to remember
What I might have dared
What could be mine
I don't want to stare out the window
I don't want to stare all of my life
All of my life...

Back in my rebel phase
I stood out in all the normal ways
Held a dying man's faith
That my art would be my resume
But that man passed away
Right or wrong it's not for me to say
Here at home in my room
Safe and sound

Cause I feel like there is
Someone watching over me
And that something is
Supposed to happen now
If it's all by design
Keep on watching
I won't let you down.
Track Name: April's Bonfire
Do you think of me?
I remember you every spring
April matinees
Rainy days and the flowers they bring
The thorny sting
You asked me then
In a year from now where will we be?
And I didn’t know
But I never wanted to be

Just another man that you once admired
Burned to ashes in your bonfire
April dear, you will always be
Someone special in my history

You cleanse your soul
By destroying your diary
A ritual
Setting fire to pictures of me
To set you free
A sacrifice
But the memories still smolder within
Now what will you do
When you want to see me again?

I burned you too
Back in our day
I never knew
That love could cause such pain.
Track Name: New Year's Eve
Spent a lonely day on an empty street
Perfect hideaway for a New Year’s Eve
Spent a lonely year at ambition’s grave
But I’m free and clear on New Year’s Day

And I wonder where you’ve been
Where we’re going all this time
In these same old shoes
And I wonder
Well I wonder
Yeah I wonder

I could reminisce for an hour or two
But I’ll have to miss
Got some things to do
Won’t you tell my friends
And the king of beers
I can’t make amends for a wasted year

Can you save my kiss for a better year?
Cause when midnight hits
I’ll be out of here

And I wonder what we’ve done
How we somehow keep on going
In this stale old skin
And I wonder
Well I wonder
Yeah I wonder
Do you wonder?
Track Name: Long Distance Martyr
Late night Sunday
2000 miles left to go
I still love you
But I’m trying to let it go
We knew it all along
Three months of counting down the days
Now you’re going home to stay

I resent the strained politeness
Cross-country conversation gives
I drive in silence
Self-titled king of distances
The Vegas lights ahead
Like a fallen chandelier
Why did I ever volunteer
For this trip to nowhere?

I gave you everything
The perfect performance
Prepackaged memories
In wallet-size portraits
We’ve come so many miles
But now I can’t go much farther for you
This is the final duty
Of a long distance martyr

Wednesday morning
500 miles left to go
Almost on empty
My resolve is running low
You say “that’s good enough”
“I can walk the rest from here”
A playful smile from ear to ear
How can you desert me?

All my life I dreamed of finding someone
Ruled you out
Maybe too soon to tell
Charted our final destination
Wanted to end it well
Keeping alive the memories
So maybe in time
You will come back to me.
Track Name: Now I Know
I brush my teeth
And put the book I’m reading
Back on the shelf
Then dial six numbers on the phone
Before I catch myself

For the first time in seven months
I can go straight to bed
No need to call you up
And document the day’s events
I meant it when I said that
This would be our final fight
So take this silence as my way to say
So long, goodnight

From here on out my time is my own
I think of you whenever the phone rings
Now I know I miss you

I figure I’m long overdue
To spend some time with my friends
As retribution for the parties
That I didn’t attend
I’m sure they understood
That I could never follow through
Out of the obligation
To devote my time to you

From here on out I’m making amends
It’s like the old days
Back with my friends again
Now I know I miss you

From here on out it’s “me” and not “us”
So how come
All they want to discuss is you?
Now I know I miss you

I’ve had a lot of time
To think about my life
Suddenly simple and convenient
But I can’t shake this feeling
Faintly bittersweet
Somehow incomplete without you

It may amaze you to discover
That my life can be ran
Without the constant arguments
About our future plans

From here on out I’m playing by ear
I’ve known you exactly a year today
Now I know I miss you

From here on out it’s out of my hands
I wouldn’t mind
Discussing those plans again
Now I know I miss you
Now I know I miss you
Now I know I love you.
Track Name: Guilt Reflected
Looking at the floor I declare
I can’t go on wasting all my time on you
Trying to ignore your despair
As tears splash down
Naming every flaw of yours
Like a grocery list

I never felt the way that you feel
I never knew my words could heal
Don’t have to look in your eyes to see
The guilt reflected in me

Hope you threw away that self-help book
I bought for you
Like I only wanted to help
Nothing was too small to overlook
I tried hard to
Concentrate on your mistakes
To conceal my own

Sorry to have been so obscene
Would you accept my sincere apologies?
Didn’t have to prove anything
It had to end
But with gentle words
Instead of a shouting match.
Track Name: Ordinary & Free
I can’t lift myself off the ground
By the belt loop of my jeans
I’m often told to know myself
But I’m not sure what that means
If I remember what I’ve done
Can I know what I’ll do next?
But when I’m conscious all along
I can’t put it to the test
The truth is always true
I do the things I do
Each prediction is self-fulfilling

If I don’t know myself then
Can I be my own person?
Isn’t conforming easy?
I’d rather just be ordinary & free

Someday I’ll choreograph my life
Dancing to a different drum
Until I hear that solo beat
I’m content to play along
I can pretend to understand
What it is I want to be
Maybe it’s everything I’m not
But it’s all the same to me
I mirror what I see
And most conveniently
Everyone loves their own reflection

Maybe you’ve looked inside yourself
Spotted patterns in the clouds
But was it you observing you
Or the other way around?
How many others did you see
All responding to your name?
Could it be you’re the only one?
Could it be we’re all the same?
There’s no one else to know
We make it as we go
Redefining our limitations

If I don’t know myself then
Can I be my own person?
Isn’t conforming easy?
I’d rather just be ordinary & free
That’s me.
Track Name: Faces
You’re at my house at midnight
To reconcile
I call you “honey” by mistake
It’s been awhile

We all fall back
Into our old familiar roles
Why do we have so many faces?
Sometimes the way we act
Is out of our control
Why do we have so many faces?

I know I wasn’t the first
You’ve done this to
It’s just a pattern you play out
A dance you do

We all fall back into
Our old familiar roles
Why do we have so many faces?
Sometimes the way we act
Is out of our control
Why do we have so many faces?
How can I trust you and your faces?

It’s easy to go back to
The tried and true
But I’ll create myself again
With someone new
Still every time you walk in my life
I am that desperate lonely boy
Who blindly reaches out for you
But that’s not really me.
Track Name: Acting Class
Act I: The Quiet Life
I sit alone all day
Far removed from center stage
I memorize my lines
A thousand words I’ll never say
Preparing for the big audition
I call you on the phone
In the morning Saturday
You ask if everything’s okay
And wait so patiently
Through the awkward silences
I never have the nerve to ask you
Childhood wishes
Dirty dishes
I will show you everything

Act II: The Butterfly
They typecast me as dull
I deserve a better role
An understudy to the man
That sleeps inside of this cocoon
I will rise above this stage fright
Still I have the butterflies
In my stomach
In my heart
Life is a performance art
Someday soon I’ll speak my soul
Shed my skin and fly away
Free of every inhibition
A reversal through rehearsal

I want some understanding
I want some understanding
An acting class will teach me
To be myself completely
I want some understanding
I want some understanding
Nobody knows for certain
What lies behind the curtain

Act III: The Final Bow
Class is beginning finally
Three units of group therapy
Twenty people in a room
Wearing many different lives
Like picking clothes
For an important party
Still I have the butterflies
In my stomach
In my heart
Life is a performance art
Someday soon I’ll speak my soul
Shed my skin and fly away
Free of every inhibition
A reversal through rehearsal.
Track Name: For Good
Your jaw is clenched
Preparing for the worst
A pessimist is always on alert
Your life has had its share of tragedy
But standing guard takes too much energy

Forget about abandonment
Forget your childhood
Count on me cause I am here for good

Your parents split in 1992
But you’re the only one who’s blaming you
And though you haven’t
Seen your father since
When I reach out to touch you
Still you wince

When will you let yourself love me more?
When will you let yourself love me
All the way?

I love the way you radiate
An inner strength and pride
And holding back is sometimes justified
We need to shield ourselves from violence
But love demands a lack of self-defense

Forget about abandonment
You know I never would
Trust in me cause I am here for good.
Track Name: Souvenir
It sometimes seems
My dreamer’s dreams
Are downright laughable
I shrug my shoulders to the world
Questioning my every syllable
You always understand
And take my hand so naturally
When I don’t trust myself
Still you believe in me

When every faith
Has been replaced by objectivity
By my own hands
My best laid plans
Amount to nothing more than vanity
You lift me off the ground
And turn around the tragedy
When I cry at your feet
Still you believe in me

This is a souvenir
Of a time-honored pact
Acknowledgement of
Every self-denying act
A memento of what it means to be
Two as one
I always will believe in you
And you’ll believe in me.
Track Name: Until Last Night
Until last night when we made love
I never knew I could adore you so much
To guide your fragile shoulders so carefully
And know how safe it is to love you so much
And still have room for more

Until last night when we made love
I never knew I could see so far in your eyes
That our bodies could blend like perfect tears
Falling from my face to meet on yours

I guess I never really understood
How I could feel so good
Or how two ordinary people
Could make the world alright

Until last night.