Life's Fairytale

by Color Theory

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about

Life’s Fairytale was my most electronic album to date, with only hints of piano. 8 originals, 2 covers, and 5 remixes barely fit on the CD.

credits

released May 29, 2001

Color Theory is Brian Hazard

All songs written, performed, and produced
by Brian Hazard (ASCAP) © 2001 except:

Hold You
Written by Andrew McCluskey/Malcolm Holmes (ASCAP) © 1985

I Felt the Pain
Written by Claude Strilio (BMI) © 1990
Backing vocals by Michelle Hazard

Fade So Fast
Lyrics based on a poem by Will Waldron

Cheerleader
Backing vocals by Nicole Lamothe

Now I Know (Cosmicity's Continuum Transfunction Mix)
Remix by Mark Nicholas of Cosmicity www.cosmicity.com

Long Distance Martyr (Cross Country Misery Mix)
Remix by Steve Sholtes at Interactive, Detroit
Nick Hura appears on snare drum thanks to his parents

Stare Out the Window (Acceptance Mix)
Remix by Paul Rijnders of Anything Box www.anythingbox.com

For Good (Fidgital Remix)
Remix by Keith Gillard of Fidgital www.fidgital.com

Art design by Sheri Hogan
Mastered by Resonance Mastering www.resonancemastering.com

Heartfelt thanks to: Sheri Hogan, Keith Gillard, Mark Nicholas, Steve Sholtes, Paul Rijnders, Michelle Hazard, Todd Durrant, David Richards, Jami Waldron, Mark Stryker, and Bill Boocock

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Color Theory Huntington Beach, California

80s synthpop is in my blood.

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Track Name: Ponytail Girl
At 2 p.m. she eats a late lunch by design
So that she’ll have some self-control at dinnertime
Not much at all gets done on Friday afternoon
So who would mind if she should leave a little soon?
The welcome breath of open air
The daily driving regimen
Talk radio to fill her head
Until the exit’s missed again

At 4 p.m. her second shower of the day
She shuts her eyes and lets the workweek wash away
Repaints her toes and fingernails
Sprays on three dollars of perfume
Brushes her teeth
And tries on clothes
Until they clutter up the room

At 6 p.m. she shows up at her friend’s house late
We have to eat before the concert starts at eight
She says hello to our mutual friends
Hugs me a little bit too tight
They told me she came just for me
And now I see that they were right

It does nothing for me
But make me sad
That you did all this
For nothing

You had to know that I never saw you
As a star in my life’s fairytale
Did you think that you’d really change that at all
By putting your hair in a ponytail?
Track Name: So Many Ways
Everybody has desperate days of quiet questioning
Everybody has times when they feel like they don’t fit in
Everybody needs someone to listen
And say they understand
Everybody thinks that the world should
Bend to their demands
But you know better

There are so many ways to find happiness
Some of the darkness stays behind, I promise
Give it another day
I know you in so many ways
I’m a believer
I’m a believer
There are so many ways to fight loneliness
So many brighter days in sight, I promise
Give it another day
Believe that these words can be true
I’m a believer
I’m a believer too

Everybody has different strengths and different weaknesses
Everybody has their own goals and their own purposes
Everybody tries to measure up to everybody else
Everybody sets an unfair standard
In how they judge themselves
But you know better

Whatever you’re going through
However hard it seems
Just remember that it will surely pass
Because change is the only constantly occuring theme
When your demons are in full splender
And you’re driven to full surrender
Just remember that it can never last.
Track Name: Wishing I Had an Umbrella
It’s rained for forty days and forty windy nights
In artificial light the storm has paled my skin
And flooded out my eyes
There needs to be a pair of every animal
When will a miracle deliver you to me
And set this ship to sail?
I’m tired of waiting

But I’m still here avoiding the puddles
Wishing I had an umbrella
To shelter myself from this loneliness
My socks are soaked
My fingers are frozen
This is the life that I’ve chosen
And when you’ll come back I can only guess
I’ll be here when you do

The crashing water drops disguise a timid knock
I fumble with the lock and check the door again
But no one’s ever there
The ground has turned to mud
The sky has turned to gray
The night turns into day without a change in hue
I stop and think this through
What if I should leave tomorrow?
What if I should harden up my heart?
What if I should give up hoping?
I’m hardly coping

At last I realize a new day has begun
When like the summer sun you blaze into the room
And melt the clouds away
I wonder if the light is really here to stay
Or will you run away and never come again?
Only time will tell
But I promise that

I’m all done avoiding the puddles
With wishing I had an umbrella
How can one separate false from true?
The warmest sun
The bitterest rainfall
I want to experience it all
There’s no need to shelter myself from you.
Track Name: Hold You
To hold you, love you
See your smile at the break of day
To touch you, know you
Want you by me when you’re far away

It’s easy to say, but hard to do
When you’re in love with some foolish child
And everybody just can’t understand
They say, “See him, watch him,
He will change his mind.”

But I see you want him
You’re always with him when the lights go down
You need him, love him
Promises he’ll always stay around

It’s easy for me when the daylight’s here
It’s easy to be happy when I’m in the crowd
But maybe someday I could take his place
I want you, need you
I won’t change my mind

But he holds you, loves you
He has you with him at the break of day
He’ll touch you, know you
Wants you by him though you’re far away

If all these things you say are true
There’s just one thing I need to know
Is this love or lies?
Just a flame or a fire?
There’s something I need
And only you can help

To hold you, love you
Have you with me when the lights go down
To see you, need you
Promise me you’ll always stay around.
Track Name: Fade So Fast
All these mixed emotions
Leave us empty when they're gone
Shared a thousand sunsets
And now we have none
It's all so much a part of us
I remember the looks and smiles
The sweet smell of rain
And desert for miles

Remember the music we listened to?
The words still linger in my mind
And the melody in my heart
Still echoes inside

It was so perfect for awhile
But now it's in the past
We want to hold on forever
But memories fade so fast
The memories fade so fast

The heat awakens me
As I lie alone in bed
I try to picture your face
It flickers in my head
This life is just illusion
Reality doesn't last long
But I still smell the rain
And remember the songs

I hold them close never letting go
Seeking a world I'll never find
And the melody in my heart
Still echoes inside.
Track Name: End of the Night
At the end of the night
It can’t get any darker
I shrink from the shadows
Cast in fragile moonlight
With my back on the headboard
I sit on my mattress
Clutching my pillow
Scared to death of it all

At the birth of the stars
You come to me at nightfall
Laughing at my terror
As we struggle and spar
When it seems that you’ve won
The clock is my savoir
The promise of daylight
Denies all that you’ve done

And I can sleep again
I can sleep again
At the end of the night
My world at peace
I can sleep again
I can sleep again
At the end of the night
The nightmares cease

Echoes of mundane things
In waking dreams repeating
Two mirrors face inwards
And I’m caught in between
When it feels like forever
The clock is my savoir
It promises daylight
At the end of the night

And I can sleep again
I can sleep again
At the end of the night
My head is clear
I can sleep again
I can sleep again
It’s the end of the night
And hope is here.
Track Name: Everything I Thought I Had to Be
The image I saw reversed on the wall
Spoke to me
Reflected my hopes and told horiscopes
Of things to be
I promised myself I’d be someone else
Long before now
The mirror of youth distorted the truth
Weighed me down

Everything I thought I had to be
Was a childish charade
Just a myth that I made
To look outside myself
Everything I thought I had to be
Was a thousand-foot wall
Since nobody at all
Is everything I thought that I had to be

I dabbled in schemes and astronaut dreams
At age twelve
We all need to see a hero-to-be
In ourselves
An unfounded pride will stumble and slide
Into guilt
A sense of defeat
The ghost of deceit
Haunts me still.
Track Name: Here in My Heart
No welcome for solicitors
Deaf to the knocking of drifters and runaways
The former tenants are all but forgotten now
Warm yourself by the fire that burns in your name
Kick off your shoes
Let down your hair
I hope that you’ll stay

I feel you here in my heart
The door opens only for you
With no walls to hide what I’m feeling inside
Only windows to my soul
But the miraculous part
Impossible as it may seem
You’re free to leave but you always will be
Here in my heart

Painted in the red of your lips
Decorated in the fashion of your sweet smile
Furnished in perfect poetry that you inspire
How can you help but be yourself?
The more you live here in my heart
The more that you’ll find
I live in yours too

It’s a place to call your own
After all this time
It’s a place to call your own
After all this time
We have finally found a home
After all this time
All this time

I feel you here in my heart
The door opens only for you
With no walls to hide what I’m feeling inside
Only windows to my soul
But the miraculous part
Impossible as it may seem
You’re free to leave but you’re always with me
Cause I feel you here in my heart

You’re free to leave but you’re always with me
Here in my heart.
Track Name: Cheerleader
Why do you need so much attention?
Why do you need to be admired?
With every eye in your direction
What is it we’re supposed to see?
What are you saving for the star of the big game?
Why won’t you spend an hour with me?

But all you say is “go go go!”
All you say is “go go go!”
No one loves a cheerleader
It’s really all about
The trophy and the defeat
“Go go go!”

Don’t you want someone to perceive you
Through the sweater and the skirt?
Don’t you want someone to respect you
For the beauty underneath?
Don’t you want someone new to turn this game around?
Will you just please go out with me?

I could use you in my life
But I serve no point in yours
A beauty queen of diplomacy
It’s not just me who’s keeping score
You’ve got me right under your thumb
Another fan to be ignored
Wide-eyed stupefied by every wild gyration
Because you live to be adored

But all you say is “go go go!”
All you say is “go go go!”
We all need a cheerleader
To figure out that love
Is not just winning a prize
“Go go go!”
Track Name: I Felt the Pain
There’s been a lot of talking
From the town where I come from
All my friends are saying things
Which make me doubt sincerity
What is the meaning
Of a truth or a lie?
What is the meaning
Of the things we feel inside?

I felt the pain
Whenever you smiled
Whenever you cried

In looking at your eyes
The feeling of love swells within my soul
Every word that I say
Has no meaning when you turn away
Why do I stay here
When I feel this way?
Why do I need to see you
On my darkest day?

I can see a little boy
Reminding me of who I was
I can see a little girl
She looks like you.
Track Name: Outside Girl (Make-Believe Mix)
I never thought that I'd see you again
Not after the things that we said back then
I needed you like a wish needs a star
But none of that matters now
Here you are

You say that I really was good for you
That no one else really rings true for you
I tell you it just wasn't meant to be
You capture my hand and say
"Why can't we make believe?
Start again, everything new"
But I won't see it through

It could take a week to remember
Why it never worked for us before
We all stay the same on the inside
Though I wish the outside girl was mine
Let's not waste our time

A part of me wants to make love right now
To forget all these things that I said somehow
But my mind and my body don't separate
I could donate my heart but it wouldn't take
My mistake
Lust fulfilled can't create love
It's just not pure enough

You were once the spirit in my soul
Now you're just a ghost from long ago
But I've grown up
I don't believe in ghosts
I can't see you.
Track Name: Now I Know (Cosmicity's Continuum Transfunction Mix)
I brush my teeth
And put the book I’m reading
Back on the shelf
Then dial six numbers on the phone
Before I catch myself

For the first time in seven months
I can go straight to bed
No need to call you up
And document the day’s events
I meant it when I said that
This would be our final fight
So take this silence as my way to say
So long, goodnight

From here on out my time is my own
I think of you whenever the phone rings
Now I know I miss you

I figure I’m long overdue
To spend some time with my friends
As retribution for the parties
That I didn’t attend
I’m sure they understood
That I could never follow through
Out of the obligation
To devote my time to you

From here on out I’m making amends
It’s like the old days
Back with my friends again
Now I know I miss you

From here on out it’s “me” and not “us”
So how come
All they want to discuss is you?
Now I know I miss you

I’ve had a lot of time
To think about my life
Suddenly simple and convenient
But I can’t shake this feeling
Faintly bittersweet
Somehow incomplete without you

It may amaze you to discover
That my life can be ran
Without the constant arguments
About our future plans

From here on out I’m playing by ear
I’ve known you exactly a year today
Now I know I miss you

From here on out it’s out of my hands
I wouldn’t mind
Discussing those plans again
Now I know I miss you.
Track Name: Long Distance Martyr (Cross Country Misery Mix)
Late night Sunday
2000 miles left to go
I still love you
But I’m trying to let it go
We knew it all along
Three months of counting down the days
Now you’re going home to stay

I resent the strained politeness
Cross-country conversation gives
I drive in silence
Self-titled king of distances
The Vegas lights ahead
Like a fallen chandelier
Why did I ever volunteer
For this trip to nowhere?

I gave you everything
The perfect performance
Prepackaged memories
In wallet-size portraits
We’ve come so many miles
But now I can’t go much farther for you
This is the final duty
Of a long distance martyr

Wednesday morning
500 miles left to go
Almost on empty
My resolve is running low
You say “that’s good enough”
“I can walk the rest from here”
A playful smile from ear to ear
How can you desert me?

All my life I dreamed of finding someone
Ruled you out
Maybe too soon to tell
Charted our final destination
Wanted to end it well
Keeping alive the memories
So maybe in time
You will come back to me.
Track Name: Stare Out the Window (Acceptance Mix)
Overtime
Home by nine
Watch TV to loosen up my mind
Pay the bills
Earn a wage
Just enough to keep it all the same
Somehow life slips away
Good or bad it's just another day
On my own in this world
Safe and sound

But I don't want to stare out the window
I don't want to stare all of my life
Don't want to be afraid to remember
What I might have dared
What could be mine
I don't want to stare out the window
I don't want to stare all of my life
All of my life...

Back in my rebel phase
I stood out in all the normal ways
Held a dying man's faith
That my art would be my resume
But that man passed away
Right or wrong it's not for me to say
Here at home in my room
Safe and sound

Cause I feel like there is
Someone watching over me
And that something is
Supposed to happen now
If it's all by design
Keep on watching
I won't let you down.
Track Name: For Good (Fidgital Remix)
Your jaw is clenched
Preparing for the worst
A pessimist is always on alert
Your life has had its share of tragedy
But standing guard takes too much energy

Forget about abandonment
Forget your childhood
Count on me cause I am here for good

Your parents split in 1992
But you’re the only one who’s blaming you
And though you haven’t
Seen your father since
When I reach out to touch you
Still you wince

When will you let yourself love me more?
When will you let yourself love me
All the way?

I love the way you radiate
An inner strength and pride
And holding back is sometimes justified
We need to shield ourselves from violence
But love demands a lack of self-defense

Forget about abandonment
You know I never would
Trust in me cause I am here for good.